Return Of The Jeddite
by Sailor Coruscant
Summary: Jeddite returns to torment the Sailor Senshi, but not without going on an adventure of his own first! Written in about an hour, on chocolate, I hope this joke crossover makes you chuckle.


# Return of the Jeddite

By Sailor Coruscant

When the forces holding the crystal of Jeddite's prison together began to weaken, he became dimly aware of his surroundings and realised that Beryl must have failed in her great quest to take over the Earth. He smirked, for he had never really liked her. He had followed her because he was a loyal underling and that was what loyal underlings did.

But soon he would be free, and then he would never be a loyal underling again.

***

In Tokyo, Serena and her friends were enjoying the sunshine and having a picnic in the park. 

As 'Reni played on the swing, pushed by Rei, who was the only one tolerant enough to put up with the constant screams of "Push me higher", the other girls were watching the clouds and dreaming of the future. 

Suddenly Serena had a strange premonition that the happy times they were enjoying were soon to end. Actually the content of the premonition wasn't that strange, because happy times never seemed to last long around her, it was strange because Serena had never had a premonition before, she normally left that to Rei, who was the mystic in the group. 

Anyway, Serena had a premonition. 

"Do you guys think that the Negaverse could be preparing to attack again?" she asked the group. For a moment there was silence... because no one had ever thought that Serena would ever ask a question like that. Then in a shocked tone Luna answered. 

"Why would they, when they know that you would just defeat them like you always do?" 

"Hmm", Serena mused, "I guess so." Although she didn't sound convinced, the topic was dropped and forgotten in less than a few seconds, because Lita had opened the basket of food that she had provided and everyone began to eat. And by everyone, I mean everyone, because the smell was so fantastic that all the children, and their parents, in the park came to eat as well. 

*** 

However, Jeddite was unaware that Beryl had cast one last spell on the crystal chamber in case she ever died (or was blasted back to the Negaverse for those of you who take the dub literally). In any case, even in death / the Negaverse, Beryl wasn't about to let Jeddite escape from his eternal prison without a fight. 

*** 

As the girls, and their new-found friends / picnic-ers, sat down after a monstrous meal (and I say monstrous because Lita had actually cooked up the last Cardian(TM) that they had fought) to relax and enjoy the stillness in the park, Ami's computer beeped loudly. 

So loudly that all the other picnic-ers decided that these girls really were strange and that they should probably leave at this point. 

Once they were alone, Serena turned to Ami and sighed.

"I knew it was too good to be true", she muttered, "Alright. Who is it and what do they want this time?"

Ami pressed a few keys at random, and then she looked puzzled. "Actually, it looks like what ever set off the alarm was leaving the earth", she said, her confusion evident on her face.

"Alright!!!! We scared them off!!!! Major intimidation girls!!!" Mina punched the air in her enthusiasm. Although Ami looked bewildered, Mina's excitement was catching, and so the incident was soon forgotten as a game of tag was started by Rei, who had decided that Mina's enthusiasm was overdone and wanted to calm her down by beating her to a bloody pulp. Or some such.

***

The cracks in the crystal grew wider, as did the grin on Jeddite's semi-frozen place. With a strategic 'push' of his magic powers, the crystal shattered, and an old enchantment came into play. Jeddite's last thought was one that ran along the lines of "Oh crap" as he found himself transported to a galaxy far, far away.

***

'What a lovely day', thought Sailor Pluto as she watched the Sailor Scouts playing in the park through the time gate. She sighed. It had been lonely since Small Lady had left to go to the past. 

"Oh why not?" she said to herself, "I'll just borrow a little time." And with that, she transformed into the body of a fourteen year old girl and disappeared from the gate of time.

***

"Hey Serena", whispered Rei, "Who's that new girl?"

"I don't know", Serena replied, "I thought she was one of your friends."

"She's seems to know us though."

"Well, she doesn't seem to be hurting anything. And besides, she's got 'Reni off my back."

"And Darien as well"

"What do you mean by that comment?" At this point Serena looked up from the bush in which she and Rei were holding their conspiratorial whispers to see the new girl passionately kissing Darien who it 'seemed' had been jogging through the park. 

"Hey you!" Serena stomped her foot and stood up to her full height, only to realise that she was still a foot shorter than Susan, or Sarah, or whatever that girls name was. "How dare you even touch my boyfriend. Darien and I were destined to be together, not you, you slimy, gross, boyfriend-stealing, Jezebelian, harlot with a..." and this went on for quite some time as Serena called forth every swear word that she knew and quite a few in several other languages that she had picked up from the internet, "...floozy". She paused for breath and suddenly was flanked by four Sailor Scouts.

"Yeah, for messing with destiny, love, and our friend's boyfriend we'll punish you!" they shouted as they posed and tried to smile for the reporters that had suddenly appeared from amongst the bushes.

"As will I", continued Sailor Pluto, brandishing her Time Key. 

"Oops", the girl muttered, then disappeared. 

Sailor Pluto sighed. "Well then", she said, "Since the timestream is no longer in danger, I'll be on my way." She disappeared.

"And as for you", Serena turned to Darien, who was blushing slightly, "What were you doing kissing her?" It was at this point that Darien disappeared.

Fuming still, Serena turned to the Sailor Scouts. "And why didn't you stop him?" At which point they decided to go home and disappeared.

When the objects of her anger had all disappeared, Serena found herself alone with 'Reni. "What do you want, you little spore?" she snarled. 'Reni started to cry, and a crescent moon appeared on her forehead. Despite the many times Serena had seen it before, this was the first time that in her mind it actually clicked as to what it was. 

'Reni raised a tiny key above her forehead and cried, "Crystal Key, I want to go to Mummy." When it didn't work, she started bawling hysterically as understanding dawned on Serena.

Muttering to herself, Serena walked home, completely forgetting that she had left the small child alone, in the park, and that the sun was setting.

***

Sailor Pluto stepped through the time gate with a smug smile on her face. Although she had only spent five minutes in the past, it had been worth abandoning her station for a few moments.

So engrossed in her thoughts, she did not even notice that, while she had been away, someone had slipped through the gate.

Sighing, she vowed privately never to wash her lips again.

***

Jeddite cursed as he hit the ground.

He stood up, and realised that his general's uniform was covered in mud. Not only that, but mud was everywhere.

He looked around the swampy environment he was standing in, and realised that he was sinking. Unfortunately for him, there was also nothing he could use to pull himself out, and his feet were stuck somewhere under a foot of water.

And to make matters worse, there was a scruffy-looking youma sitting on a log nearby laughing at him. It was an annoying laugh, reminding Jeddite of Zoisite, but, somehow, it seemed to fit the creature's short stature and homespun robe.

"Will you be quiet?" Jeddite snapped as he calmed his mind enough that he was able to gather a ball of negative energy and boil the water around his feet. 

Once the patch of swamp he was standing on was dry, Jeddite stepped onto the dry bank and turned to face the youma.

"Alright. Who are you, and where am I?" Jeddite asked in a tone that would brook no nonsense.

***

Suddenly, a big smile broke out on Serena's face. 

"Oh course", she exalted, "Now Darien has to get back together with me!"

***

"Looking for Yoda, you are." It was certainly not a question. In fact, in most languages, this would not even be classed as a sentence, because even the most rudimentary language study tells you that you should never end a sentence with a preposition. Know that much grammar, even I do. But I'm not the one who's speaking. In fact, this story isn't even written in the first person style, so why I keep adding these comments, only I know.

"No I'm not. I am looking for a way back to Tokyo, so that I can crush it. Either you can help me, or you can sit there on your log and be destroyed." Even as he spoke, Jeddite gathered a large ball of energy in the palm of his hand, tried to look menacing, and succeeded.

"Tokyo, I know not. The Force, I know. The future, I know. Looking for Yoda, you are."

"Why do you keep saying that? I don't care about this 'Yoodha', I just want to go to Tokyo."

"Master Yoda, teach you the ways of the Force, he can. The way of the Jedi, show you, he can."

"What Force? There is only the Negaforce, and the Silver Crystal. Nothing else matters. And I am the Jeddite, and I need to know the way to Tokyo." Jeddite was getting frustrated as he realised that he could not understand what the youma was saying.

"Beware the Dark Side. Feel it inside you, I can. Beware. If you start down the Dark Path, forever will it dominate your destiny."

"Whatever. Listen, slimy one, Yoodha, how do I get out of this mudhole?"

Yoda then slowly pointed to a large pool of mud.

"I get out of here through the mud?" Jeddite was incredulous. 

"Spaceship in there. My last apprentice's. Dead, he is. When the ways of the Force you know, leave you will be able to."

Jeddite assimilated this information with interest. Not the part about Yoodha's apprentice, for Jeddite had no interest in whatever fluke of the timestream had caused the apprentice to be dead, but the bit about there being a spaceship underneath the muddy waters. A spaceship would not be as fast as a standard teleportation chamber, but it would do.

Turning his back on the youma, Jeddite raised his hands to the lake and began to concentrate. The dark energy flew through him, and he found and started lifting the starship. After controlling those 747's in his last battle with the senshi, this was a piece of cake. As the ship rose from the water, and landed on the dry bank, Jeddite heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him, and heard a faint whisper.

"In him, the Dark Side flows so strongly. Teach him, I will not." 

Jeddite decided that he had heard enough of the creature's broken Japanese / English, and quickly sent a bolt of Dark Energy at him. 

It must have been strong enough to stop the youma's heart, for it collapsed, dead, and didn't get up again.

***

Darien suddenly had a premonition. 

Actually, it wasn't that strange for him to be having a premonition, because of the frequency of attacks on Serena. So, he actually had premonitions rather regularly, and as this one was exactly like the others, there is no reason why it needs to be discussed further.

To shake it off, he put his shoes on, and went to the park.

***

By now, you (the reader) am probably confused. I know I (the author) am, and I am the one writing this sorry excuse for a fic. Anyway, umm, what else do I need to say at this point? Actually, as this story is supposed to be in third person, I had better not say anything, so I'll shut up now.

***

Jeddite found the youma's habitat with little difficulty, and found enough rations to satisfy any hunger pains he may have during the trip back to Earth. (Yes, during his search, he did realise that he was not on the Earth, and that the Earth wasn't in any of the neighbouring star systems either.) Jeddite also found some homespun robes in his size (no doubt belonging to Yoodha's last apprentice) which he wore to replace his ruined uniform (not that he needed it. After all, what good is a General to an army that doesn't exist anymore?). And finally, he found a glowing sword of light that he realised would intimidate and could possibly be used to destroy, once and for all, the Sailor Scouts.

And so he got into the X-shaped spacecraft, and left Yoodha's slimy mudball.

***

By the way, just because I feel like giving you some (more) useless information, Yoodha's apprentice WAS named Luke, that WAS an X-Wing in the lake, and Jeddite DID kill Yoodha. But you probably already knew that.

***

Ami looked out the window in satisfaction. 

She had just gotten off the phone with Greg, and so was feeling very happy. 

However, as she looked out the window, something did not seem right out there.

It took her a few moments to realise why the bright beam of light that shot up from somewhere over the park looked so out of place in the night sky, and then she reached over to find her communicator and call Serena.

Then, instead of rolling over in bed and going to sleep as she had planned, Ami decided that she would be better off checking that Serena got 'Reni home safely, and went out to the park.

***

Jeddite cursed. 

It was probably just as well that the spell encasing his crystal seemed to have sent him back in time, for, having spent a hundred years searching for the Earth in the Galaxy he was in, he was beginning to be afraid that he would never find it. 

It was also just as well that he could use the Negaforce to sustain himself, for if he had not, he would certainly be a lot thinner by now. 

But, as the ship flew by another planet that he could have easily crushed, but refused to because it was not the Earth, Jeddite found himself cursing some more.

***

'Oops', Serena thought.

***

Jeddite had grown tired of swearing, and so he just started shooting down random asteroids as he passed them. Another hundred years had passed, and he had begun to despair of ever finding the Earth again.

He cast his mind out again, searching for any sign that would lead him back. He knew that, in all probability, by the time he actually found the Earth, the Sailor Soldiers would be dead, but still, the Earth would be there to destroy, right?

On the edges of the galaxy, his mind detected a flash of energy that seemed so familiar. Perhaps it was the energy's pink nature, or perhaps it was its strength, but Jeddite suddenly realised what it was: 

"The Imperium Silver Crystal?"

He turned his ship around and headed straight towards it.

***

Mina had premonition that something was wrong outside, so she climbed out of the window, and jumped onto the roof. (or should that be the other way around?) Either was, standing on the roof of her house, she tiptoed up behind Artemis and tapped him on the back.

"What were you doing?" she asked one startled cat.

"Nothing important, I was just thinking about everything that's been happening recently, and wondering if this life is some sort of punishment from the Gods." He sighed, and continued looking up at the moon, which was full.

"Of course it is", Mina spoke so matter-of-factly that Artemis was more than surprised.

"It is?"

"Yup. You were nasty evil in your former life, and so Queen Serenity sent you here to the future to make up for it by guarding the Princess, and teaching snotty-nosed Sailors until the Gods decide that you've suffered enough." By the time she finished, Mina could no longer contain the smile that burst forward onto her face, and Artemis smiled back.

"You're right." He said, getting up from his comfortable position on the roof tiles. This surprised Mina.

"I am?"

"Certainly. Having to deal with you is definitely a punishment for something."

She took a swipe at him, which he nimbly dodged. He jumped onto an overhanging tree branch, and poked his tongue out at her. Mina reached into her pocket and withdrew a pen that she hadn't used for almost a year now, and cried out (rather softly, for she didn't wish to wake her sleeping parents) "Moon Power Transform". In a flash of light Sailor V was chasing after the white cat, who was obviously visible in the moonlight.

***

Just as Jeddite was beginning to believe that perhaps he had been mistaken, and that he had not sensed the power of the Imperium Silver Crystal, he was passing the Outer Rim of the Galaxy.

And then he felt an amazing power, something he thought had been lost forever. 

"The Negaforce?" he almost screamed in triumph. "And the Silver Crystal? This must be my lucky day." 

Actually it was night in Tokyo and the Negaverse, but that was not particularly important to Jeddite, who, having been away from the objects of his desire for well over a thousand years now, with little decent food, and no hope of any excitement within his spacecraft prison, was now, hopefully, only a few months away from the Earth.

***

Lita was watering the plants in her apartment, when she noticed that she had a bad feeling about something. 

Then she realised that on the stove, her kettle was boiling over, and so she rushed to it, and turned it off.

But, because she had nothing better to do, she decided against making a nice cup of tea, and decided to go for a walk to clear her head instead.

***

Once more on the journey back to Earth Jeddite felt the power of the Silver Crystal, but as he had already located the Earth, he no longer needed its help to find his way back.

And after such an extended period of scheming, Jeddite knew exactly what to do when he got there.

***

Rei had no such luck. While all of the other Sailors were running around having premonitions, she was stuck in front of the Great Fire in the Shrine with Priestess' Block. 

She sighed.

Then, because she decided that it was boring in front of the Fire when it would not tell her anything, she got up and went for a walk to the park.

***

When the ship reached the edges of the Solar System, Jeddite decided that it was time to bail out, and teleported the rest of the way back to Earth.

Meanwhile, his discarded spaceship slowly drifted towards Pluto, where it crashed in an explosion that was completely unnoticed by anyone who would have cared.

***

"'Reni? Princess? Are you alright?" Serena called.

***

'Reni looked up at the moonlight, even as the tears ran down her cheeks silently. She had stopped her loud crying several hours ago, but still, that had not stilled the pain. She wanted to be home, far away from this place, a thousand years into the future, where she was loved by her family and friends.

Amongst the stars, she saw a comet passing, and wondered if it was an omen of things to come. Puu had always taught her to watch for omens, but 'Reni did not think that she had ever seen one before. 

The light from the moon reminded her of her mother, and the tears kept falling.

***

Above them all, the trees, the park, Tokyo, Jeddite called out his challenge. 

"Hello to you all..." he started in a high-pitched voice, "It's me, Jeddite. I've come to kill you all. If anyone can hear me, and wants to fight, I'm in the park right now... Please come, I've been so lonely without you..."

***

Scattered around the park, each of the Senshi looked up with varying degrees of alarm on their faces. 

***

And from her perch on Serena's bed, a sleepy Luna rolled over and muttered, "Transform everyone."

***

From every corner came a different cry.

"Moon Crystal Power"

"Mercury Power"

"Mars Power"

"Venus Power"

"Jupiter Power"

"Crystal Key. Please take me home."

Tuxedo Mask merely cried out in pain as he tripped over a large tree root and fell to the ground in a Serena-like display of clumsiness.

***

"Hold it right there", Sailor Moon called to Jeddite, who was levitating in front of her.

"Oh, it's you" Jeddite answered happily. "I've been waiting to speak with you Sailor Moon. It's so good to see you again. I hope you've been well?"

The Sailor Soldiers exchanged a glance of amazement, and Sailor Mercury could be heard asking Sailor Venus in a low voice, "What's his problem?"

Sailor Moon had been completely put off guard by Jeddite's friendly manner, for she could not remember having ever seen the evil General behave this way before. "I'm fine, thank you" she replied politely, forgoing the usual speech and remembering her manners. "And you?"

"I've had better days."

"These are my friends", she gestured, "Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Venus. You did not get to meet them last time."

"It's nice to meet you both", he said, and they nodded in response, amused at this turn of events.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

"I suppose we had better fight. That's what I came here for."

"Oh. Well. It's been nice talking to you."

"Yes."

Jeddite drew forth the glowing laser sword he had found back on that swampy planet, and charged at Sailor Moon. She dodged it nimbly, leaping into the air over Jeddite. He could not resist, and as she was above him, he sneaked a peak up her skirt.

"You pervert", cried Sailor Jupiter, who kicked the sword out of his hands by the handle. Sailor Mars ducked at the last second as the sword passed over her head to chop down a nearby tree.

A rose stuck the back of Jeddite's hand and he looked up, having forgotten that Tuxedo Mask would probably turn up to save the Sailors. Jeddite also didn't expect the fist that followed the rose, striking his face and causing him to fall to the ground. 

"How dare you look up Sailor Moon's skirt", Tuxedo Mask lectured, "No one is allowed to do that but me." This earned him a slap from Sailor Mars, who was closest to him out of the Sailors, but Sailor Moon still looked as though she wanted to do the same thing to him.

Instead she stomped her feet and pouted, "Look, Jeddite, I'm tired, I've had a very busy day, and right now I just want to go to bed. So, rather than stand here all night trading small blows, lets just try and take each other out, you and me, one on one. Okay?"

He stood up and dusted off his clothes. "Fine."

"Sailor Moon, what are you doing?", Venus asked, but there was no answer.

"Lets do this then. Cosmic Moon Power."

Having released the full power of the Silver Crystal on Jeddite, he really had no choice but to become moondust. Because almost none of the power was actually needed, Sailor Moon survived. 

She then turned to her friends. "Well, that was fun." she said, then turned to 'Reni. "Come on, Princess, let's get you home to bed." Because it was late, Reni barely noticed the use of her title as Serena picked her up and took carried her home. 

And because it seemed like a good idea, the others all turned around and went to their respective homes, to enjoy a good night's sleep, filled with dreams of chocolates, mystical princesses, old boyfriends and a happy future. 

THE END... (I hope)


End file.
